14 Hours

I was furtively checking my email before leaving my job one Tuesday morning in March, when I saw an email from my friend Katie. It was a forward, and the only thing she wrote was, "Buy two tickets for us." I scrolled down, wondering what she could be so sure I'd be buying tickets for, and let out a little yelp. The Indigo Girls were coming to Santa Fe in May! The universe was smiling upon me!

I guiltily looked at the clock, knowing the next class would be filing in soon, and that Jon was at the park with the kids, waiting to begin his workday. Still, I clicked here and there, got out my wallet, and walked out of the room feeling far richer than I had when I walked in. Or perhaps I floated out. I'd be seeing The Girls in a matter of weeks.

There were, however, a few logistics that needed to be worked out. Normally, we'd make a family trip of it, hanging out with our adopted Santa Fe family, Aunt MaryLynn, Uncle Keith, and cousin Tecumseh. But we already had a trip to Denver planned for early June, and, since our kids think they've been in the car forever when we drive across town, it seemed like cruel and unusual punishment to put them through two long trips in such close proximity. But what other options did we have? Me, going by myself? What? Would it even be possible for me to be that far away from my kids, for that long? Unthinkable.

But, things started falling into place. Thanks to Facebook, I learned that Erin, a casual acquaintance, also wished to go to the concert. And, she just so happened to be a big fan of crazy-roadtrip-concert plans. Then, Katie's husband didn't want his ticket, so it was freed up for Erin. Jon felt better about the idea of my traveling through the wee hours with a buddy.

As the date got closer, I found that I wasn't as excited as I usually would be about seeing The Girls. My usual feelings of anticipation were tethered by anxiety about being so far away from Zephyr and Jubilee. Previously, we'd never been separated by more than a few miles, and we'd never been apart for more than a few hours. "I'll be here for breakfast, and here for lunch," I told them. "I'll miss dinner and bedtime, but then I'll be here for breakfast again." Jon's biggest fear was a huge bedtime meltdown. "So don't put them to bed," I suggested. This plan relieved a large amount of stress. If they dropped off to sleep waiting for me to come home, great. If not, well, we'd all be exhausted the next day, but at least a great hurdle had been avoided.

The actual day of the concert, my excitement won over. I was buzzing with anticipation. A roadtrip...with no kids to entertain...a new friend...some old friends...and The Indigo Girls to top it all off! We spent the morning playing at home with Grady and Ainslie. Then, I had a few quality hours with the kids. The night before, when we told them that Mommy would be going to Santa Fe the next day, Jubilee pouted the most beautiful and sad pout imaginable. It broke our hearts, and I nearly called the trip off then. But on the day I was leaving, she took it in stride. Zephyr actually seemed a little sadder about it than she did. As my 1:30 pickup time got closer, I searched the closet for something to wear, with one goal in mind: It had to be something I couldn't breastfeed in.

I have no recollection of even acquiring this dress.
But it certainly met the requirements.

After a tearless goodbye, Erin and I were on our way. Although we'd never spent much time together, I had a feeling the conversation would flow, and it did. Erin was everything you could ask for in a travel companion- easy going, interesting, and her car smelled like coffee. We made one pit stop, and I carefully studied the snack racks, giving myself permission to eat something I normally wouldn't, since I wasn't trying to model healthy behavior for my children. My final pick? A small package of vanilla Snackwell cookies, and of course, a Diet Coke (which I have since given up. For real.)

We arrived in Santa Fe with just the right amount of time for an efficient stop at Trader Joe's before meeting my friends at The Cowgirl for dinner. The Cowgirl was our favorite restaurant when we lived in Santa Fe. At that point in our lives, we would eat meat if it had lived and died well, so we would make a meal out of a shared buffalo burger and fries. We became regulars there, and didn't even need to place our order; when our server saw us walk in, he'd automatically tell the kitchen what we wanted.

I forgot my camera at dinner, but this is what you'd see: Katie, MaryLynn, Erin, and I sitting at a round table, outside, talking as the evening became cool. I wrapped my Mother's Day shawl around my shoulders, and marveled at how relaxed I felt, despite the distance I was from my children. I began to feel a little "responsibility for everyone's happiness" creep up on me, as my three dinner companions had only one thing in common: friendship with me. I decided to check those feelings at the door, though, remembering some advice a friend had given me about that day, "Take your chance to be selfish." I can't control anyone else's happiness. Besides, Katie, MaryLynn, and Erin weren't looking to me for guidance. Fantastic and articulate women all, they didn't need my micromanagement. (How nice to be at a place in life where I can, occasionally, have the insight to allow the moment to happen.)

Third Row Seats!!!

We said goodbye to MaryLynn and went to the concert. Erin was already an Indigo Girls fan, but Katie was mostly going in a role of "supportive friend." A number of years ago (8?) I accompanied her to an Elvis Costello concert, so I felt like it was a returned favor of sorts. Although she admitted that she didn't even want to tell most people where she was going that night, she did enjoy scoping the crowd for short haircut ideas. We turned in some items for a canned food drive, earning a chance to win a prize. We settled into our seats around the time I'd usually be climbing into bed with the kids.

And then...there were The Girls! They played many songs from their new album, and old favorites. I've seen them on several occasions over the years, and each time is magic in its own way. This time, however, something truly unexpected happened. I had always been a huge fan of Emily Saliers, the red-haired Girl with a higher, floaty voice and richly metaphoric lyrics. But over the course of the night, I found myself gravitating towards a deeper appreciation of brunette Amy Ray. Perhaps it was being next to Katie, who has a natural affinity for Amy's style. Maybe it was the way Amy radiated joy and goodwill, while Emily seemed a little more reserved. By the end of the evening, and there's no other way to say this, I had a huge crush on Amy. And I won the food-drive prize- a signed CD, poster, and sticker.

Katie and I outside the tour bus.
And no, I didn't try to jump on, even after I saw them deliver pizza and Diet Coke.

Katie left for home, hours past her bedtime, with a few chocolate chip cookies to help keep her awake. Erin and I had other plans. I tossed out the suggestion that we wait around for the chance to see The Girls leave the building, and Erin readily agreed. I have no idea how long we waited. I rehearsed speeches in my mind. We chatted with the handful of other fans waiting. I brazenly stood directly outside the glass door, shrieking every time I saw Amy cross the hall (I never saw Emily- as it turns out, she had already gone out to the bus before we got there.) Jon and I exchanged a few texts. Eventually, the big moment came.
I didn't deliver my planned speech, but I think I did sputter something about how much I've loved listening to their music for the last 17 years. I know, she's just a regular person, but I still can't get over this picture. I touched an Indigo Girl! And she touched me! I have admired these women for my entire adult life, and then some. Their music and lyrics have moved me to tears on countless occasions. If you want to make me happy, give me another Indigo Girls fan who wants to talk lyrics. Through every emotional up and down I've had, there is an Indigo Girls song playing in the soundtrack of my mind. Without this band, I can honestly say, my life wouldn't be the same. I don't know if you have a band you feel that way about, but I do.

We hit the road, vibrating from the thrill of the great concert and our up-close-and-personal encounter. Again, the conversation flowed. At 1:30, Jon texted to let me know both kids had dropped off to sleep. How had things gone for them? Better than expected. They met Grady and Ainslie at the park for pizza and bike rides, read books, watched library movies, and engaged in all sorts of messy projects around the house. There was no crying, melting down, or asking about Mommy. Jon was exhausted, but in a word, it was a success.

Erin dropped me off at 3:30 am, but I was still too wired to sleep. Wandering is in my blood, and the roadtrip was renewing for me. I guess there's just one thing to do- Get Out The Map!