Sleepover!

The Morning After

The Ho-Ho Cake- Would you be able to sleep with this in your kitchen?

The biggest event of the last few days was that Zephyr had his first sleepover! We went to pick up the kids from Mike and Jessica's house on Tuesday, our regular "date night" exchange. (What did we do on our date? Ate take-out burritos, solved crossword puzzles, and searched for Obama footage on youtube.) As often happens, Zephyr didn't want to leave. Generally, when that happens, one of the adults will suggest that Zephyr spend the night. Then we'll remind him of something he'll miss by not being with us, and he'll reluctantly agree to put on his shoes and come home. It went a little different this time.

Me: It's time to go. Unless you want to spend the night with Conor.
Z: I want to spend the night here.
Me: Okay. But you won't get to nurse.
Z: I won't ask to nurse.
(Mike, looking at Jessica, "I know what the answer will be if you do ask!")
Z: But you have to go get my toothbrush.
Me: We can't drive across town just to get your toothbrush and bring it back. Maybe next time you come we can bring your toothbrush.
Mike: I think we might have an extra one here.
Me: Won't you miss me too much?
Z: I won't miss you.

He even assumed that Jubilee would spend the night there, too. "I'll nurse Jubilee," he offered. Then, "But I don't have numnums. I guess she'll have to go home with you."

We got the kids into their pj's. While Zephyr and Conor jumped into Conor's bed to see how they would fit, we adults smugly rolled eyes at each other. "I guess we'll be driving across town again in an hour or two," we sighed. After kissing Zephyr goodbye, I offhandedly asked, "Just on the off chance he ends up staying over, what are your morning plans?" Conor had preschool, Mike and Jessica had appointments at the eye doctor, and after that, Mike was leaving for a worktrip. Obviously, not the ideal night for a first sleepover. But it wouldn't matter. We were just calling his bluff, and once it sunk in for Zephyr that he wasn't ready to sleep away from us, all would be back to normal.

We even considered stopping for a cup of hot tea at a nearby restaurant on our way home, so sure we were that in a matter of minutes we'd be back at their door, collecting our son. But we went home, since Jubilee was sleepy. We put on our pj's, brushed our teeth, and discussed which one of us would be heading out into the cold night to pick up Zephyr. Jon made sure our ringers were on, and lined our cell phones up on the dresser. It felt...strange. Very strange. Bedtime was too easy. Jubilee is too young to insist on, or even notice, a bedtime story. We didn't have to coax anyone into the bathroom to get their teeth brushed and empty their bladder one last time. And I can't describe the sad emptiness I felt when I couldn't turn to Zephyr for our ritual bedtime, "Good night, Zephyr, I love you," followed by a kiss. And not hearing his little voice say it back to me was a little bit heartbreaking. I couldn't wait for him to come home, so I could snuggle up his little body close to mine. When would that phone ring, anyway?

We thought Jubilee would like sleeping between us, in Zephyr's standard spot. But it was too exciting for her, and she rolled, kicked, and giggled until I put her on my other side, where she promptly fell asleep. I cuddled up to Jon, something we haven't done much of since Jubilee was born and spaces next to Mommy became scarce, but I couldn't really relax. I kept waiting for that phone to ring. I wasn't worried about Zephyr being hungry, cold, or in any danger. But I couldn't image how he could possibly be fine without me. This is the child who doesn't even like it when Jubilee is sleeping between us! Every night of his life, he had slept glued to my side. He doesn't even go to sleep for a nap if I'm not there with him. We had assured him before leaving that at any point he could ask Mike or Jessica to call us to come get him. Would the phone just ring already?

I thought that I would wake up in the middle of the night, panicked, wondering where he was. But I never even got into a deep enough sleep to forget. Just when it seemed like I might drift off, the smoke detector started beeping, letting us know it needed a new battery. Then, around 4 am, I realized I was too hungry, too anxious about Zephyr, too curious about Super Tuesday results, and too aware of the homemade Hoho cake sitting in the kitchen to get any sleep. I snuck out of bed, powered up the internet, ate a few forkfulls of cake, and snuck back into bed, finally ready for sleep. We awakened to the beep of the cell phone around 7 am with this text message, "All is well." Jon jumped into his clothes to go pick up Zephyr, while I called Mike to get the scoop.

Apparently, the boys were too excited to fall asleep for quite some time. They stayed awake chatting. (Zephyr says they were talking about dinosaurs.) Mike squeezed into the twin bed between them to help them settle down, and Conor finally fell asleep around 10:30. Mike was getting something out of the hall closet at 10:45, and was startled to turn around and see Zephyr standing behind him, insisting he wasn't at all sleepy. Mike tucked him in again, and when he checked 15 minutes later, Zephyr was out. There was some more shuffling around in the early morning, but all in all, for a first sleepover, I suppose it should be considered a success.

I gave him a giant hug when he came home, and asked Jon if Zephyr was in as much of a hurry to see us as we were to see him. "No," Jon told me. "He wanted to keep playing with Conor's toys." I asked Zephyr if he woke up in the middle of the night, wondering where he was. He shook his head, thought for a minute, and asked "You know what I thought when I woke up in the middle of the night? I thought Mike and Jessica had this many kids," he held up three fingers, "and that I was one of them." While feeling unspeakably grateful for our friends who provide him with a second home where he feels completely comfortable, I also felt a little insecure. With my heart in my throat I asked, "Do you wish you were one of their kids?" "No," he answered without hesitation, and I relaxed, happy to have my little guy on my lap, where he took a very, very long nap.