Fall Back

Light the candle or read a book? Light a candle or read a book? This is always the dilemma I face while running bathwater. For my own, personal bath, that is. In my past life, it didn't really matter that much. There was always another solo bath right around the corner, virtually whenever I wanted. Tonight, though, it seemed monumental. It was the first bath alone I've had since I was in labor- if having five extra people in the house, their every move hinging on my process, can be considered "alone." And if you've ever had contractions, you know that it wasn't really about luxuriating in bubbles or reading a novel.

But anyway.

As we were finishing dinner tonight, I mentioned that I wanted to do something relaxing and fun this evening. I was envisioning the four of us playing Chutes and Ladders in our pj's, which, admittedly, will be more fun and relaxing when we don't have to worry about Jubi choking on a game piece. A few rounds, and an early bedtime. When Jon suggested I take a bath, sans children, I jumped at the chance.

It had been a bit of a long, energy-sapping day. We had our usual walk to the Farmer's Market for bread and eggs, and spent a few hours there, chatting with some of our favorite people who also frequent the market. Zephyr had gone five weeks without kettle corn, saving his dollars for a wooden truck, which he proudly purchased this morning. On our way home, I decided to take the kids- via bus- to a Read Across America event, in part to give Jon some time alone around the house, and also because it's an event I thought Zephyr might really enjoy. I volunteered at Read Across America years ago- so many years ago I almost had no recollection of what it was like.

It was...very well attended. Which is a wonderful thing for a literacy event. But pretty overwhelming for a 3 1/2 year old. There were kids everywhere, and not much direction. We ran into an acquaintance at the "decorate your own cookie" table (I'm struggling to find the literacy connection there, myself) where they were out of cookies. "All Zephyr really wants is to see the Cat in the Hat," I told him. "He's right behind you." And there he was.

Zephyr was too shy to talk to the Cat. He wouldn't shake his hand or hug him. He wouldn't even stand next to him when we posed for a picture. But he did insist on following him around. The highlight of the event was when Zephyr touched the Cat's tail (the Cat didn't notice.) Besides that, he did allow a Cat in the Hat tattoo to be placed on the back of his hand, we sifted through some free books and found one with poems, he drank 1 1/2 cups of weak pink lemonade (I had told him ahead of time that the hotdogs there would be the kind we don't eat, the kind with meat), and, at last, he very happily decorated his own cookie after they restocked the table. Eighty minutes after arriving, I was back on the bus with two sleepy kids.

I got off the bus early, having decided that I'd rather Zephyr fall asleep in the stroller than on the bus, so that I could just wheel him into the living room where he'd keep sleeping, theoretically. So it was a long walk carrying Jubilee asleep in the sling, pushing the stroller, under the strong afternoon sun. I felt physically drained by the time we got home and happily anticipated some unwind time while the kids continued sleeping. My first mistake: telling Jon to carry Zephyr from his stroller to the bed. "He won't wake up," I assured him. "He wants to be asleep." My second mistake: not coming right away when Jon found me to say "He's crying and asking for you." My third mistake: feeling guilty, and showing up a few minutes later, after Jon had him settled down, starting the crying anew, which, in turn, awakened Jubilee. Suffice it to say, there was no more nap for Zephyr. Or Jubilee. And I've noticed that on days when Zephyr boycotts his nap, my battery gets severely drained.

I decided to console myself by making pizza and chocolate mint brownies for dinner. Zephyr brightened up when he found the Barbie-like doll that Jon and I won at a party last night. (It was a prize for sexiest costume. Without going into specifics here, I will say that if you added up all the clothing we both had on, you might have enough to dress your typical streetwalker. Not that you could have easily added up all our clothing, since we attended the party separately, in shifts, so one of us was home with the kids at all times. Why didn't we bring them? Let's put it this way: one of the hostesses was dressed as a dildo. There are some questions we don't want to answer yet. What are you wearing, Mommy? was bad enough.) Jubilee engaged in her favorite game of late- climbing on and off the child-sized couch. Jon was his usual helpful and patient self, performing my least favorite chores of crockpot cleaning and cheese grating with cheerful submission. And coming up with ways to lighten my mood, culminating in the suggestion of the bath.

I poured in the bath foam my sister sent for my birthday (thanks, Corinna!) and came to a decision- I would leave the light on and read a few chapters of our bookclub pick for the month. Sliding under the bubbles, I realized that, as often happens, I had chosen incorrectly. I just wanted to zone out and clear my mind. (If I had turned off the lights and lit the candle, I would have undoubtedly gotten bored and wanted to read.) But still, I emerged refreshed. A bath never fails to transform my mood. (There was a time many years ago when I came out from a bath and told a (now ex)boyfriend that I didn't want to go on a long-anticipated vacation with him after all- one we were supposed to leave on the next day- and come to think of it, why were we even together, anyway? He talked me back into everything, but if he had listened to me, we could have gotten on with our lives a few months sooner.)

Anyway, I hear my family eating bedtime snacks at the kitchen table. I'm going to see if there's still time for a quick game of Chutes and Ladders before bed. Grab your pj's and join us.