A Tribute To Nursing

I started crying as I wrote my last blog entry, and pretty much kept crying until Saturday morning, when Zephyr asked to nurse again. You should have seen me at Friday morning’s La Leche League meeting. (Actually, some of you did!) I couldn’t choke through the opening question of “name something you’re happy about in your nursing relationship right now.” Luckily, almost everyone who showed up was a leader, so there was only one person there who may have thought I was crazy for being so weepy over the possibility of my 2 ½ year old weaning. “The problem with child-led weaning,” I sniffled, “is that the mom might not be ready for it!” Someone asked me if I had heard the following poem, which I came home and googled:

Wean Me Gently
by Cathy Cardall

I know I look so big to you,
Maybe I seem too big for the needs I have.
But no matter how big we get,
We still have needs that are important to us.
I know that our relationship is growing and changing,
But I still need you. I need your warmth and closeness,
Especially at the end of the day
When we snuggle up in bed.
Please don't get too busy for us to nurse.
I know you think I can be patient,
Or find something to take the place of a nursing;
A book, a glass of something,
But nothing can take your place when I need you.
Sometimes just cuddling with you,
Having you near me is enough.
I guess I am growing and becoming independent,
But please be there.
This bond we have is so strong and so important to me,
Please don't break it abruptly.
Wean me gently,
Because I am your mother,
And my heart is tender.

How do I feel about Zephyr nursing again? When he latched on, Jon said, “Now we’ll have to go through it all again,” remembering the way I had cried through my bean and cheese burrito at the Mexican place the day before. And I suppose he’s right. It’s a similar feeling to when you’re in high school, and you break up with someone you really like, or maybe he breaks up with you, for some insubstantial reason that seems really important, and you’re really sad, and your tears fall consistently and unbidden, and then you get back together, and you’re mostly happy, even though you know you would have been okay after maybe a week or two, and you know that it won’t last forever, but still, you think it might be easier the next time around.

I’m giving all of you permission. No, I’m asking all of you a favor. When I’m spent or irritated or simply bored from nursing all the time once our baby is born, please remind me that I wasn’t ready for Zephyr to wean. Help my heart stay tender.